Anyone can theorize, but until you have been there and felt what others have felt, no one can tell you what you
felt or are feeling. Everyone is as different as a finger print. O' we may be able to recognize similar traits and
witness similar reactions to events, but again, no two people react the same to the same stimulus.
We allow ourselves to cause our past experiences to define who we are, causing us to become human doings
protecting ourselves from harms, rather than human beings allowing ourselves to be made whole by our past
experiences.
We form protective illusions. In that, we wish, we seek, those people, places and things we believe will fill the
empty void that is our soul, rather than seek the truth, that is outside of ourselves, yet deep within.
This battle takes many forms, with one outcome, despair, as man's conscious contact with his Creator has been
severed by unseen forces. Therefore, as he continues seeking self-gratification outside of himself, but finds
does not find it.
As preconceived notions replace realities, his despair grows causing a man to seek that which is outside of
himself, yet buried deep within.
His journey called "Live" never ends, in that, his being is ever lasting, no mater what form he may be in.
He is given only a short time on this earth, to collect his thoughts, to find and make peace with himself and those
around him. (How The Human Mind creates, The World Explained unique video (HERE)
He must put all notions aside, all he believes have defined him away, and come to the Christ who heals him.
I, like most males have felt the gantlet of male emotions. I felt depression, anger and rage.
I have been a prisoner of pride and hatred. I finally realized the meaning of love rather than lust. But in terms of
handling emotions, I only have stories to tell regarding my experiences and my accounts of what I have
witnessed in others. Again, these are just my observations. I have no ideal what others are feeling.
This story may seem harsh for our readers who have grown up in protected environments, just to warn you
ahead of time.
Apparently, he was living with his wife and children in a rather seedy part of our small town. After a few more
mornings with us, we appeared to have earned his trust because he unloaded the entire smorgasboarg of his
emotions on the group.
Apparently, one of his neighbors was a drug dealer with a fetish for little boys. Our group member had recently
moved his family into this neighborhood to later realize that this drug dealer had been rapping one of the little
boys whose parents were customers of the drug dealer and did not, or refused to realize what the drug dealer
was doing to their son.
Because drug dealers often have needy people who place the value of the drugs over the value of human life,
no one would side with our group member to help prevent, this well protected drug dealer, from his continuous
harm of this 10 year old boy.
The little boy was still wearing diapers because the muscles in his anus were damaged. The little boy had,
apparently, learned to separate himself from the pain and embarrassment. Apparently, the little boy felt that at
lest he was gaining the attention of an adult, so he must have felt that this was just how it was. His lot in life.
Well, needless to say, our member was outraged at this relationship and at others for their unwillingness to
realize this abuse.
After our new member had expressed his concern, the group then tried to help him to understand the God grant
us the serenity prayer. However, our member must have felt like we were saying that he was powerless to
change the dynamics and before we could further explain to him how he might gain enough support through law
enforcement without repercussion aimed at his family, he jumped up, got in his van and pilled rubber down the
street.
What was this man feeling? Powerless? Support-less? Or was he just using the dynamics of this to allow himself
to drink? I will never know. However, two weeks later, word came to us that he had hit a young mother head on
with his van while he was drunk.
Because he refused to give the group consensus a chance, now the 10 year old no longer had a protector, his
family no longer had a provider and a young mother now had motherless children, and all because he would not
hear sound group consensus, but chose to drink instead.
You talk about a bunch of sad people! But what were we to do? If we could have tied him to a chair, we would
have. If we could have called law enforcement, we would have, but he was not drunk when he left and he was
not threatening bodily harm towards anyone.
Free-will was taking our members one every few months and all we could do was pray for God's will to be done.
We realized for every one of us sitting in those rooms of recovery from the hurts and harms of life, a thousand
more were still out there still running amuck, refusing to seek help.
Here is an excerpt from a paper I wrote while training to work in the field. Although the below examples are rather
extreme, I feel they are relevant because if we do not learn to express our emotions through a controlled release
process, some of us have a propensity towards mental break downs, such as we witnessed with our friend
above.
“Delusions brought on by depression can cause people to have false beliefs that are inconsistent with reality.
People with these delusions report odd disease and many insist that their body and or brain is disintegrating.
Biological studies have theorized that low norepinephine levels in the brain can cause these delusions.
Cognitive theorists theorize that depression is a learned behavior. They believe that people who have not
learned proper social skills are punished for dysfunctional behaviors. Therefore, these see the world as adverse
and depressing. These specialists believe that people are shamed into depression. This theory believes that
children learn depression from their close family members.
Depressed people feel they do not have amble support. Therefore, this lack of security creates a even more
depressing state of mind for them. Some theorize that depression comes after people begin to feel they can not
control their negative environment.
Schizophrenia covers a wide range of mental disorders. This disorder is characterized by a lack of having a
logical thought processing, and by the deterioration of social functioning. Because they are unable to cope with
an ordinary life style, the symptoms develop causing significant changes in the thought process, perception,
mood, and their overall behavior begins to deteriorate over time.
Delusions of persecution are brought on by a world that is charged with negative responses. The schizophrenic
can even receive feelings of grandeur believing that they are an important person in society.
Hallucinations of the perceptual type, visual, tactile, olfactory, or auditory are brought on by unseen forces.
Auditory hallucinations appear to be the most well known of the symptoms. People have reported hearing voices
from within their heads. These voices seem to cause the individual shame for acting out in a socially
unacceptable behavior.
Some people have reported that some of these voices give symbolic advice on how to live within socially
acceptable boundaries, whereas others encourage unacceptable behavior using obnoxious voices.”
It is apparent to me that fear causes the brain’s neurotransmitters to flood certain chemicals while others are
held back, but all causing an imbalance that would normally help maintain homeostasis. Then the out of balance
system allows for adverse feelings to begin. I believe it is fear that is passed from parent to the child, therefore,
it must be the fear that is the learned behavior.
However, after years of living and working with those who are suffering, I have discovered that the support of
others can, and will help relieve the pain of unwanted emotional bondage. But rest assured there are those who
enjoy the attention, thus have a difficult time relinquishing their emotional bondage over others.
If those who are suffering feel they need medication until they feel comfortable enough to join a support group,
by all means get them medication. However, we recommend the natural medications found on our page -
Mental Health Recovery (HERE)
Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. Unlike the perfect love I wrote about in our publication Lines
in the Sand (HERE), other than pride, all other emotions are statements made to express fear, and I am often
lead to believe that even pride finds its foundation in fear.
Why are we so fearful you ask? We live in a constant state of fear that we will be deprived of what we require the
most, ‘Love.’ Anger is one of the best examples of this statement. When we do not get our way, we often pout or
throw a fit. All negative emotions serve the soul purpose of expressing our lack of feeling loved or lacking control
over our environment.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Here are some on-line anger management techniques that will help
Education/Treatment -
Control Anger (HERE) or Anger Management-techniques (HERE)
Control! If we can not control our need for love, we then go to work trying to control our lover or loved ones
through a series of emotions hoping to place them in a type of bondage to our needs. Women often use the
entire smorgasboarg to be heard! When everything else fails, we then resort to anger to acquire our need for
love and acceptance.
Because love is a willing dependency placed on others, feeling the loss of love, or not feeling that we have been
heard and understood, cuts at the very core of our being. Now that we understand why we are so complicated,
and how we use that complication to our disadvantage, let us now explore anger.
Let us now set the rules of engagement regarding anger. God did not say that anger is a sin, but rather, be slow
to engage it. Remember, ‘Do not let the sun go down while you are still peed off’ Well you get the point!
One must learn to talk. One must learn how to express their feelings in an honest, rational and logical manner,
because most people are not mind readers. More often than not, it is the pride monster that demands our
silence. Therefore, pride is the sin. Pride does walk ahead to show destruction the way.
Because anger is a forerunner in the minds of most people, especially men, one must commit to counting to ten
before becoming angry. This act allows one the time required for the inner and rational voice of God ‘The Tree
of Life’ to be heard. Here allows God to be heard, rather than the fallen voice we claimed in the garden of our
Eden.
Now let us explore the two types of anger. Self anger stems from our rejection of ourselves. Whereas, others
anger is directed at others. However, both find their roots in the same anger we feel towards yourselves. Think
about this! When we become angry at others it is because we feel that we are not being heard, and that we can
not control those who we wish to control.
Better to learn how to accept the fact that we can not control the wills of others, as even God does not have this
desire. His is a desire to attract His will, rather than to promote His will be done. Have you ever seen God hit
anyone in the head with a Bible? My granny sure wanted to smack me a few times with hers!
Following is an excerpt from the alcoholic’s primary Bible page 449;
Acceptance
“When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the solution, the problem went away.
Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person,
place, thing or situation, some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, then I can find no serenity until I accept that
person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake! Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I
‘will not be content with my life’ cannot be happy.
I must concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in
me and my attitudes.
We are all children of God and all have a right to be here.
I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions.”
When I focus on what’s GOOD today, I have a GOOD day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a bad day.
God did not create the world only for me.
THE HIGHER MY EXPECTATIONS, THE LOWER MY SERENITY, therefore:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. Give me the courage to change the things I
can, and give me the wisdom to know the difference.
If I don’t Complain or argue today, but allow time to realize God’s voice of reason and logic, I will be a success
today!
You are not alone! We are all basically in the same boat! We all need to express our feelings. However, it is how
we learn to express our feelings. We can either wait to build up enough pressure to explode in a fit of rage, or
we can let off the pressure little by little. We are all wounded spirits! Some are just more wounded than others.
But pride, that monster who prevents us from healthy expression.
Do you see that person drinking coffee and staring out the café window? I’ll bet you that person feels or has felt
something similar to what you are feeling right now. Strangers are often the best people to share turbulent times
with. They have no preconceived notions of us. Now suck up your pride and honestly spill your oil! Chances are
that person needs you more than you need that person.
Do not fall for the stigmata that people must retain emotional boundaries in order to live in a society. The
toughest looking person in the room is often the most wounded. But, because of the stigmata that other
wounded spirits have placed upon us, most people are now bleeding on the inside! God said to love one
another, not clam up. He made this statement because He knows that silence gives hatred a platform to work
from.
Now get out there and start searching for that support. God is with you. Therefore, He will guide you. And Yes,
His voice is often even heard through a donkey’s lips. Now that’s a funny story! When donkey speaks to man,
man would be wise to lend his ear!
Now get out there and stop taking your life so serious. There is good waiting for you out there, find it! I do
recommend getting involved in a small group to express your unwanted feelings and emotions! If your church
does not have such a group, you start one. (Excellent e-book written by Dr Cliff Kuhn (HERE)
However, trust is a major issue here. People talk, and other people know they do. Many often misconstrue what
others say and feelings get hurt again. Therefore, the group facilitator must be very cautious, or church
membership can drop tremendously. Whereas, a firm group facilitator can bring in many new members.
I wish to leave you with one final thought; Remember who's workshop your head has been playing in, therefore,
the best thing that you can do for your own recovery from any adverse condition is to stay busy and out of your
own head. Share your pain with another. Learn how to transcend your realities, by not living others realities.
|
|
